sad sad sad~ :'(

hey...it's been a long time since i've blogged....a lot have happened in my life.....it is so complicated and i am depressed this few days.....my nightmare came true....it is so hard for me to accept it but i have too rite?? my frens all said that i have to move on even if this kinda stuff happen to me......but it's kinda hard......tp saya akan tetap cuba.....
oke, the story goes like this, it was 31st of July 2010.....i've gathered up all my courage and confessed again to Nazrin...it was so hard for me to do that.....and when i did it, things went wrong......he knew it a long time ago, but he didn't even tell me that he knows, then dy jwb 'klau i tnya pun u xkn bgtaw i kan?'....then i said la 'of course that time i xckp i ske kat u sbb at that time i MMG XSKE pun'...then he mrh2 me......i apologised a lot of time that night....but he still doesn't believe me and he calld me a LIAR and dy ckp saya neyh x abis2 menyusahkn org.....he said that because saya selalu sms izzat and always luahkn my perasaan kat dy......then saya tnya 'slh ke i sms dy? he is my BEST FREN'....then he answered....'yes, slh sbb i susahkn dy'.....nak je saya ckp, 'klau i susahkn izzat, msti dy da lama bgtaw i, xmgkn dy akan biarkan i kcau dy'.....isn't that logic? kan? kan?....haih...then i said 'if u da xnk believe me anymore, eventhough i have told u everything that i know, then this is the last then, if u think that i akan kcau u, aiman or izzat, there's no need to do that bcuz i xkn kcau u guys anymore from now on.....bye.....'.....then he replied 'Bye'....then that is the end....i cried all night......when i sleep, i have nightmares.....i slept at 2am in the morning and woke up again at 4am, b'cuz many thngs happen that night, not just b'cuz i won't tegur Nazrin anymore, there are many things other than that too......the one that knows 'bout it first was Shahril.....he's my best fren, we've been frens since i'm form 2, we are really close, we're like brothers and sisters......thx Shahril~! for being there for me when i'm really2 sad and cheered me up every single time i'm upset.....I LOVE U WEYH~! as a fren i mean.....:)
and until today, Nazrin has never tegur me nor texts me.....eventhough that everyday i see him, unexpectedly, he didn't even looked at me......and this morning, there is a camp that will be held at Sungai Merap, Bangi, Nazrin is not going but his 'best fren', Ila is going, so he went and teman her near the surau......i'm sory, but i heard his conversations with her, but not a lot la, he was talking nicely and so softly with her, do u believe it?! best frens don't really talk like that to each other! last time when i asked him whether he likes her or not, he said that he doesn't like her.....but now, smpai letak kat fb lg yg dy rindu Ila tu and etc.....look who's lying now la! diri sendiri tu penipu lg nk tuduh org lak......Nazrin.....next time, sebelum u tuduh me, siasat la dulu whether wat ur saying is correct or not, ney nak main tuduh jea, yg u believe org yg ntah sesapa ntah tu watpe? next time tnya me, my ownself.....i won't lie to u la....if u don't believe me, u can ask all of my frens, they know every single seconds 'bout us since i first know u, and base on them, i am the worst liar among my frens......please la, if i do anything to hurt ur feelings, i am seriously sorry, from the bottom of my heart, god knows how sincere i am for u.....since we're not frens anymore, i miss u a lot, but what can i do rite? i still have to move on with my life rite......i wish u have good life and as u know, i won't bother u anymore from now on, and for ur information, if u need me, i'll be here waiting for u, just tell me and i'll help u, dun be too ego and for the last time i'll say, I AM SORRY FOR EVERYTHING THAT I HAVE DONE TO U AND ALSO IF I HAVE OFFENDED U SOMEHOW.....goodbye Muhammad Nazrin Merican..... :'(

wat feelings is this?

hey guys....lately i am so confused of my feelings, sometimes happy, sometimes sad.....rasa mcm putus cinta jea, tp xpnah bercinta plak....haih....wat is this feelings ha? help me guys.....so confused rite now....wats happening to me.....:( usually i'll be happy and smiling all day at skool....but since last week, my emotions got mixed up, sometimes i'll be smiling all day, and sometimes i'll be emo all day that even my frens scared of me.....wat should i do? i dunno anything rite now....:( anybody can help me? any suggestions of wat this feelings is? my god, i'm so confused.....:(
oh ya, my newest story that i could tell u guys is kinda a sad one.....last time, i already told Nazrin that i dun like him anymore, but actually, i still do, i told him that b'cuz i dun wan him to take me as an admirer anymore, i want to be more like a fren to him, the one that always could be there for him and etc.....but yesterday i was so hurt by him because he actually scolded me b'cuz of something that i was just joking 'bout...i just kcau la her best fren ney, nama dy Fadhilah, evryone was teasing her that she likes Izzat(one of Nazrin frens and mine too), so i was joining them la, then out of all the people that teases her, i was the only one that got scolded by Nazrin, mane la xsdeyh, i was the ONLY one! haih.....when dy marah tu, saya trus repli 'k' je, then trus off9, da la that time i was so emo, kna marah ngan my dad sbb apa ntah....then, dy xmntk maaf or anythng......after a few hours, i go on9 back, i posted somethng that is so emo, pastu baru la dy nk terhegeh2 nk tnya kenapa saya mcm tu.....my post is 'bout u la! OBVIOUSLY! haih.....after that, i trus off9 and tido, and now here i am, all refreshed......the one that is very understanding and the only one that knows 'bout this is MUHAMMAD NASRULLAH....he's my tution fren and my new best fren, i know him early in the year but we're already close now, he understands me a a lot....thx Nasrullah~! :) another one that kinda want to help me but he's too late, but it's oke, i still appreciate it, i'd like to say thx to AIMAN ABDULLAH, dy nk pujuk saya and try tnya wats going on tp saya xnk bgtaw dy sbb dy one of Nazrin's best fren, but he's a nice guy, so is Nazrin, but he's the one that makes me depress the whole night......anyways, thx for reading guys, appreciate it a lot...and i'm already feeling a bit better now, except the one that's confusing, my FEELINGS, that is not ok yet.....anyway, i'll update soon, thx for reading, bubye~! :)

FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!

hey....saya tgh marah gle skang neyh....td kat skola, saya ngan kawan2 saya buat kerja YEP(Young Enterprise Program) kat one room neyh.....pastu time ktorg buat kerja, ada a group of these LAME f5 dtg, diorg kcau2 ktorg, diorg ejek2 la, etc....pastu kitorg marah la, suruh la diorg tutup pintu....pastu diorg gi tutup pintu and diorg letak kerusi ngan meja skali, supaya halang kitorg dari kluar.....saya trus sepak la pintu tu, pastu xley bkak jgk, pastu kitorg try and try, last2 t'bkak la.....then, diorg dtg blek, diorg kcau2 lg, kitorg marah la diorg, xpyh la smpai letak kerusi meja sume, pastu diorg rakam kat hanfon diorg....mmg SIAL gle doe!! perangai mcm BABI!! pastu kitorg buat bodo je la, diorg tutup pintu kitorang skali lagi dgn kerusi & meja....kitorg buat dunno je.....pastu ada la sorg bdk f5 neyh(group diorg jgk) yg bernama LUQMAN HAKIM, dy gi record kitorg, saya kat dlm blik tu da tumbuk dinding da lepaskn geram, tu pun saya lepaskan kat dinding sbb kwn2 saya tahan saya, klau diorg xthn saya, da lama muka diorg hancur saya buat.....pastu kitorg trus mls nk lyn diorg, then, diorg trus bla jea, nasib diorg alihkn sume meja & kerusi.....oh ya! and that LUQMAN HAKIM guy, pervert nk mampos, dy masukkn batang penyapu kat lubang pintu, pastu make perverted sounds, xke BODOH ke tu namanya! memalukn diri sendiri jea....seriously la, seumur hidup saya, xpernah jumpa laki seBODOH dy, memalukan diri sendiri depan pempuan lain.....klau korg berubah mmg ALHAMDULILLAH la saya ckp, tp klau korg xberubah jgk, mmg saya doakn hidup korg sengsara la di dunia dan akhirat! first of all, saya doakn korg FAIL SPM korg la, pastu biar korg xde keje, pastu biar ar korg merempat mana korg nk and xkawin2 smpai korg tua! pdn muka! ish!

sory la kepada sesiapa yg xberkenaan dlm cte neyh, saya mmg nk lepaskn geram, da xtaw nk buat pe da, nk cte kat org, some of them won't understand, so, blog je la tempat saya lepaskn geram, anyways, thx for reading, bye!

pissed off....

hey peoples......i am so pissed off today.....last two day saya ada sms Nazrin, then suddenly dy trus xreply, i waited smpai kul 12 mlm kowt(saya tunggu sbb saya xbley tido mlm tu).....then, the next day pun saya tunggu jugak, saya smpai bawak fon gi skola lg, tp xreply gak.....kul 10.30 semlm saya sms la dy, tanya dy y xreply.....jwpn dy mmg sgt xmemuaskan hati btul, dy ckp dy emo, pastu bila saya tnya dy, dy xnk bgtaw plak, i was just trying to help jea, then suddenly dy trus ckp dy tgh emo lg and nak tido......dy xrasa bersalah lgsg yg dy buat i tggu dy reply....ish!! sakit hati btul, at least ckp la sory ke apa ke! or maybe time yg dy nak emo last 2 days tu at least ckp la bye ke apa ke, ney trus xreply and buat org tggu......ish!! i am so pissed off that ari neyh i xpndg lgsg mke dy.....seriously, saya xkn sms dy smpai dy yg sms saya dlu, klau dy sms pun saya akan ckp yg saya emo dan buat benda yg sama dy buat kat saya, biar dy rasa cmne yg saya rasa.....haih.....k la, i guess thats all for today, nk gi tenangkan fikiran.....klau ada pape update nnti, saya update.....k, thx for reading, bye....

is it good or bad?? o.O

hey....da 3 ari x log in blog, haha!! xtaw pe nk tlis sbnrnya for the last 3 days....oke, let's see.....ari ney pnat sgt rasa, padahal xwat pape pun...:P
ari neyh bday kawan saya, Nur-Izzati Zahirah.....Happy b'day weyh~! sory ar ari neyh xde adiah, nnti ari sabtu(esok), klau aku ley kluar, aku kluar ngan maisarah blikn adiah kau k?? haha!
oke, back to my story, yesterday i told Nazrin that i've written a few poetries for him and sent it to the school magazine.....he was kinda shock sbb saya jenis org yg kasar tp tlis poetry, dy pun plik, haha!! saya ckp kat dy, dun judge the book by it's cover, try reading them first....pastu dy ckp pe ntah and we fight 'bout that thing, than saya trus mlas nk lyn dy.....after a few minutes tu, dy mintak maaf kat saya, dy ckp sorry psl td, dy mcm tu sbb dy tgh xde mood...then, i just say yg i xnk kcau dy at this time, i'm giving him some space, then he said that he'd sms me when he felt a bit better....was it good or bad that i'm doing?? i think it's good.....hope so....:D
that's all kinda happen today, sorry for not writing much, but thx for reading anyway....bye.... :)

i wish...

how i wish i could tell u everythings thats on my mind....the words 'i love u' and 'i miss u' always play in my mind that sometimes i cant even sleep at night, everytime that i think of u, it makes me cry since i dun kno wat else to do to make u mine.....i chose to have u since ur the one thats really kind to me, the one that ever cared 'bout me other than my frens.....u gave me too many hopes to get u, but i guess it was all just a false hope that u gave me.....even just now, i've told u everything that i've been keeping in my heart, but i guess that will be the last time i'll be saying all those words to u.....i have never regret all those words that i've been saying to u, not even one of them.....i've been saying that i'll wait for u and love u forever, but i guess i cant say all those words anymore to u....from now on, i'd rather be frens with u, so that we could always be there for each other forever.....i'll be happy whenever u are happy, just by seing u everyday makes me smile.....till then, let's just be frens forever, since i am more closer to u now rather than before...:)
-this is dedicated to Muhammad Nazrin Merican-
p.s i love u so so much weyh, i also dunno y....:)

sofbal~! :D

Semlm ada liga sofbal kat skola.....best gle ouh, da lama xmen sofbal, last men pun bila ntah......but, i got injured a lot, lebam kat lengan disebabkn a certain 'some1' tu men baling je bat and at that time i was the catcher, sepatutnya dy da out sbb baling bat kna org, tp empire ar wat bodo jea....=.=" the other lebam kat blakang, btul2 kna tengkuk, nasib xkuat......and the last one was kinda my own mistake sbb x catch bola btul2, bola terkena hidung, sakit siot.....=.="
walaupun my group klh, but still ktorg akan dapat sijil sbb there is only 2 teams.....:D overall, the game was freaking awesome~! :D

the one that's in my group is:Amalina, Adriana, Azim, Nazrin, Ilman, Khairul, Kugendran, Acap f5, there's more, tp xigt.....no offense people.....:)

the other group was:Mun Kit, Mun Chien, Izzat, Azam, Aiman, Acap f1, ada lg, tp xigt gak, sory guys, no offense to u people too rite.....:)

well, tomorrow is the penyampaian hadiah, i think, anyways, wish me luck guys, hope xt'jatuh atas pentas.....xD bye2~! :D